|
Naveed Kamboh
|
On of my office friend sent me the following email which I'd like to share with you all.
When you occasionally have a really bad day,
and you just need to take it out on someone,
don't take it out on someone you know,
take it out on someone you don't know,
but you know deserves it.
I was sitting at my desk when I remembered
a phone call I'd forgotten to make.
I found the number and dialled it.
A man answered, saying
'Hello.'
I politely said,
'This is Chris.
Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?'
Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear
'Get the right f***ing number!'
And the phone was slammed down on me.
I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude.
When I tracked down Robyn's correct number
to call her,
I found that I had accidentally transposed
the last two digits.
After hanging up with her,
I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.
When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled
'You're an asshole!'
And hung up.
I wrote his number down
with the word 'asshole' next to it,
And put it in my desk drawer.
Every couple of weeks,
when I was paying bills or had a really bad day,
I'd call him up and yell,
'You're an asshole!'
It always cheered me up.
When Caller ID was introduced,
I thought my therapeutic 'asshole'
calling would have to stop.
So, I called his number and said,
'Hi, this is John Smith from the telephone company.
I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our
Caller ID Program?'
He yelled
'NO!'
And slammed down the phone.
I quickly called him back and said,
'That's because you're an asshole!'
And hung up.
One day I was at the store,
getting ready to pull into a parking spot.
Some guy in a black BMW
cut me off and pulled into the spot
I had patiently waited for.
I hit the horn and yelled
that I'd been waiting for that spot,
but the idiot ignored me.
I noticed a 'For Sale ' sign in his back window,
so I wrote down his number.
A couple of days later,
right after calling the first asshole
(I had his number on speed dial)
I thought that I'd better call the BMW asshole, too.
I said,
'Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?'
He said,
'Yes, it is.'
I then asked,
'Can you tell me where I can see it?'
He said,
'Yes, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd. , in Fairfax
It's a yellow ranch style house
And the car's parked right out in front.'
I asked,
'What's your name?'
He said,
'My name is Don Hansen.'
I asked,
'When's a good time to catch you, Don?'
He said,
'I'm home every evening after five.'
I said,
'Listen, Don, can I tell you something?'
He said,
'Yes?'
I said,
'Don, you're an asshole!'
Then I hung up,
and added his number to my speed dial, too.
Now, when I had a problem,
I had two assholes to call.
Then I came up with an idea...
I called asshole #1.
He said,
'Hello'
I said,
'You're an asshole!'
(But I didn't hang up.)
He asked,
'Are you still there?'
I said,
'Yeah!'
He screamed,
'Stop calling me'
I said,
'Make me.'
He asked,
'Who are you?'
I said,
'My name is Don Hansen.'
He said,
'Yeah? Where do you live?'
I said,
'Asshole, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd. , in Fairfax ,
a yellow ranch style home and
I have a black Beamer parked in front.'
He said,
'I'm coming over right now, Don.
And you had better start saying your prayers.'
I said,
'Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole,'
and hung up.
Then I called Asshole #2.
He said,
'Hello?'
I said,
'Hello, asshole,'
He yelled,
'If I ever find out who you are...'
I said,
'You'll what?'
He exclaimed,
'I'll kick your ass'
I answered,
'Well, asshole, here's your chance.
I'm coming over right now.'
Then I hung up and immediately called the police,
saying that I was on my way over to 34 Oaktree Blvd , in Fairfax , to kill my gay lover.
Then I called Channel 7 News
about the gang war going down in Oaktree Blvd in Fairfax ..
I quickly got into my car and headed over to Fairfax ..
I got there just in time to watch two assholes
beating the crap out of each other
in front of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter
and surrounded by a news crew.
NOW I feel much better.
Anger management really does work.
Read more »
27/01/2014 6:29:02 AM, 0, Views: 3287
|
|
Naveed Kamboh
|
BRILLIANT BEIJING HOTEL BROCHURE
TRANSLATED AS ONLY THEY CAN
A friend went to Beijing recently and was given this brochure by the hotel.
She is keeping it and reading it whenever she feels depressed.
It seems that it has been translated word for word from Mandarin into English.
Getting There
Our representative will make you wait at the airport.
The bus to the hotel runs along the lake shore.
Soon you will feel pleasure in passing water.
You will know that you are getting near the hotel,
because you will go round the bend.
The manager will await you in the entrance hall.
He always tries to have intercourse with all new guests.
The Hotel
This is a family hotel, so children are very welcome.
We of course are always pleased to accept adultery.
Highly skilled nurses are available in the evenings to put down your children.
Guests are invited to conjugate in the bar and expose themselves to others.
But please note that ladies are not allowed to have babies in the bar.
We organize social games, so no guest is ever left alone to play with them self.
The Restaurant
Our menus have been carefully chosen to be ordinary and unexciting.
At dinner, our quartet will circulate from table to table, and fiddle with you.
Your Room
Every room has excellent facilities for your private parts.
In winter, every room is on heat.
Each room has a balcony offering views of outstanding obscenity!
You will not be disturbed by traffic noise,
since the road between the hotel and the lake is used only by pederasts.
Bed
Your bed has been made in accordance with local tradition.
If you have any other ideas please ring for the chambermaid.
Please take advantage of her.
She will be very pleased to squash your shirts, blouses and underwear.
If asked, she will also squeeze your trousers.
Above All
When you leave us at the end of your holiday, you will have no hope.
You will struggle to forget it.
Read more »
12/03/2014 6:42:05 AM, 0, Views: 5324
|